Facts About Ryan Cook

These are facts about Ryan Cook. Everything you read here is absolutely indisputably true.

1. Ryan Cook holds the Guinness world record for being owned.
2. The scientific name for Ryan Cook is ownedalot maximus.
3. Ryan Cook was voted "most likely to be owned" in his high school year book.
4. Every time Ryan Cook gets owned an angel gets its wings.
5. Ryan Cook's first word was "coupon."
6. Despite much evidence to the contrary, Ryan Cook is not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).
7. Ryan Cook was owned for your sins.
8. Ryan Cook served two years in federal prison for the crime of being owned so bad. And sodomy.
9. Diplomatic immunity cannot save Ryan Cook from the ownage.
10. The speed of light is second only to the speed with which I own Ryan Cook.
11. Ryan Cook hates travel because every time he leaves home it's just one more place for him to get owned.
12. The only reason the moon rises at night is because the sun gets tired of owning Ryan Cook all day.
13. The Selective Service won't accept Ryan Cook because he has a disability: owned too much.
14. Failing to own Ryan Cook is one of the seven deadly sins.
15. Ryan Cook is the only known person in the world to have the blood type "Owned."